I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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