but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
