I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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