with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
