Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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