I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize