he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
