My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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