I can text with my tongue
we made out on top of his cat.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
