Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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