I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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