I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I want to be your penis for a week.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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