Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
