Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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