Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
