With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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