our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
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If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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