whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
