Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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