First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize