It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
