I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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