Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
it's great music for shaving your balls
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
