My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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