My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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