belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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