Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
