Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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