it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
