Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
