Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
