Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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