were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
