You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
