I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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