So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
false alarm, still single
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
