I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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