I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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