On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
