Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I AM VODKA MAN
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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