Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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