i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
