The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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