i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
