I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
