Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
