I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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