You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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