Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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