i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
