I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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