His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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