Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
