I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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