Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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