dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
