im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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