I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
