Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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