I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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