You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
