Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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