margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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