im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
