I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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